RulesForPets

The Truth About Dogs...

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves

himself.

-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.

-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.

-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

-Unknown

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'

- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.

-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

Rules for Pets

1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw or nose-print in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)

3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to claw, whine, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. (Trust me, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine attendance is not mandatory.)

7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.

8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was wrong when you did it.

9. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I cannot stress this enough.

10. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet(s) better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech-challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, and don't worry about the latest fashions.

"Author Unknown"

When I am Old . . .

I shall wear Turquoise and soft gray sweatshirts...

and a bandana over my silver hair.....

and I shall spend my Social Security Checks on

Sweet Wine and My Dogs......

and sit in my house on my well-worn chair

and listen to my dog's breathing.

I will sneak out in the middle of a warm Summer night

and take my dogs for a run, if my old bones will allow...

and when people come to call,

I will smile and nod as I show them my dogs...

and talk of them and about them...

The Ones so Beloved of the Past

and the Ones so Beloved of Today....

I still will work hard cleaning after them

and mopping and feeding them

and whispering their names in a soft, loving way.

I will wear the gleaming sweat on my throat, like a jewel

and I will be an embarrassment to all...

and my family...

who have not yet found the peace

in being free to have dogs as your Best Friends....

These friends who always wait, at any hour, for your footfall...

and eagerly jump to their feet out of a sound sleep,

to greet you as if you are a God.

With warm eyes full of adoring love and hope that you will stay

and their big, strong necks...

and kiss their dear sweet heads...

and whisper to their very special company....

I look in the Mirror...

and see I am getting old....

this is the kind of woman I am...

and have always been.

Loving dogs is easy,

they are part of me,

accept me for who I am,

my dogs appreciate my presence in their lives...

when I am old this will be important to me...

you will understand when you are old....

and if you have dogs to love too.

"Author Unknown"

WHAT IS A BREEDER ??

A Breeder (with a capital B) is one who

thirsts for knowledge and never really knows it all,

one who wrestles with decisions of conscience, convenience, and commitment.

A Breeder is one who

sacrifices personal interests, finances, time,

friendships, fancy furniture, and deep pile carpeting!

She gives up the dreams of a long, luxurious cruise

in favor of turning that all important show into this years "vacation."

A Breeder goes without sleep (but never without coffee!)

in hours spent planning a breeding

or watching anxiously over the birth process,

and afterwards, over every little sneeze, wiggle or cry.

A Breeder skips dinner parties because that litter is due

or the babies have to be fed at eight.

She disregards birth fluids

and puts mouth to mouth to save a gasping newborn,

literally blowing life into a tiny, helpless creature

that may be the culmination of a lifetime of dreams.

A Breeder's lap is a marvelous place

where generations of proud and noble champions once snoozed.

A Breeder's hands are strong and firm and often soiled,

but ever so gentle and sensitive to the thrusts of a puppy's wet nose.

A Breeder's back and knees are

usually arthritic from stooping, bending, and sitting in the birthing box,

but are strong enough to enable the breeder to show the next choice pup to a Championship.

A Breeder's shoulders are stooped

and often heaped with abuse from competitors,

but they're wide enough to support the weight of a thousand defeats and frustrations.

A Breeder's arms are always able to wield a mop, support an armful of puppies,

or lend a helping hand to a newcomer.

A Breeder's ears are wonderous things,

sometimes red (from being talked about)

or strangely shaped (from being pressed against a phone receiver),

often deaf to criticism, yet always fine-tuned to the whimper of a sick puppy.

A Breeder's eyes are blurred from pedigree research

and sometimes blind to her own dog's faults,

but they are ever so keen to the competitions faults

and are always searching for the perfect specimen.

A Breeder's brain is foggy on faces,

but it can recall pedigrees faster than an IBM computer.

It's so full of knowledge that sometimes it blows a fuse:

it catalogues thousands of good bonings, fine ears, and perfect heads...

and buries in the soul the failures and the ones that didn't turn out.

A Breeder's heart is often broken,

but it beats strongly with hope everlasting...

and it's always in the right place!

Oh, yes, there are breeders, and then, there are BREEDERS!!

--Author unknown

THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE!

If a dog was the teacher , you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Take lots of rides in the car with your dog.

This page was last updated: June 21, 2009

Four Legged Friend

You come to me a blessing I know

Lent to me from above

To teach me to soft a kind

And giving of all mankind

How I look in those bright brown eyes

my hearts melts or so sweet and kind

I treasure you know

But your job so big

and mine so small

For I know nothing of forgives

to some of mankind

and you only in return ask for

a pat or game of fletch , meal and water

I will do this with out a problem

for you touch my heart and soul

but my four legged friend

If you teach me the

unconditional love as you have

I know the world can be a better place

Unknown

The Life of a Puppy

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.

I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.

"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."

Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."

Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.

This never fails to make Mama smile.

I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,

I ate something weird - it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.

He gave me so many great things to chew.

Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.

What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That obedience book, was sort of yummy.

Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.

I threw up a bit, but that was all right,

When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.

Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.

I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,

She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,

"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"

That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.

She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,

She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,

That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.

I love it inside, but outside is best.

Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do--

Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.

I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,

I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.

I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.

I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.

I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!

I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.

I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,

I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.

Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.

I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,

Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I abused.

Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"

I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.

Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."

Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.

I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,

I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,

Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.

She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,

And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.

Unknown

Where Did Pets Come From?

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

Unknown

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